How to make authentic connections with remarkable people (even if you’re a nobody)
Building genuine, value-based business relationships, has been a cornerstone approach for cranking up my visibility (and clientele) in the online world.
And so far, it’s led to some awesome opportunities that have catapulted my writing career.
Of course, connecting with the right people isn’t easy.
But as long as you’re consistent, genuine, and aren’t looking for them to give you anything in return, the opportunities are endless.
And in today’s post, I’m going to share some techniques for cutting through the noise, easing the unpleasant emotions, and finding your groove when it comes to creating career-changing relationships for yourself.
(And do so without mentioning the word networking...except this once 🤫)
Connect with people you love to learn from
When I was just starting out in online business — I set a goal to have at least three authorities in my online space “know who I am”.
Why? Mostly because one of my mentors told me to, and he always has great advice…
“Your connections are far, far more important than your talent as a writer, your expertise regarding your subject, or even your persistence and dedication.”
I remember reading a piece of course material from Jon Morrow, and he said, that once you move past the comprehension stage — that beginning period of self-employment full of overwhelming information consumption that can make you go bananas — you should have a fair idea of:
who is awesome in your niche,
who you admire in business, and
who you want to continue learning from.
Essentially, those people become your mentors.
And if you put those people on your radar (not a pedestal) — and make it your mission to:
track them down virtually,
get to know them better, and
start finding ways to provide them value.
You can begin to cultivate genuine relationships, increase your visibility online, and network in a way that doesn’t feel forced, awkward, or overly intimidating.
Stalk the influencers in your space
Taking Jon’s advice, in 2016, I made a list.
I chose three people who I was already learning from and made it my mission for them to recognize my name. I didn’t set a timeline or make it a SMART goal. I just knew that I wanted to focus my attention on developing some kind of relationship with them.
Here are the three people I started with, a few things I did to grab their attention, and what the relationship looks like now.
Person #1 — Brian Clark (TW: @brianclark)
Brian Clark is the founder of the pioneering content marketing website Copyblogger, the midlife personal growth newsletter Further, and Unemployable, an educational community that provides smart strategies for freelancers and entrepreneurs.
How it started: I began as an avid reader of Copyblogger. Which quickly turned to me being a paying customer. And from there, I felt comfortable interacting on social channels and replying to his weekly emails from his various newsletters.
The relationship became slightly less one-sided when Brian added me as a friend on Facebook (I think he was just trying to up his Aussie friends base). And we also had multiple Twitter interactions.
I also took any chance to participate in Q&A’s he held through his communities. And he ended up answering my question on this episode of Unemployable.
Remember, my goal was name recognition. So this was a great start.
Then, the big break happened in 2017 when I pitched him some ideas via email, for his site further.net. And from there I ended up writing a few articles, and eventually pitched him again for my services to help him build Unemployable.
How it’s going: I’ve since worked with Brian at both Unemployable and Copyblogger (running projects and content management), and have also partnered with him for a product (Email Marketing Essentials). And have written for all three of his blogs; Copyblogger, Further, and Unemployable.
All this from starting with a few Tweets. And swallowing the fear I had of reaching out (and wrangling with the potential rejection).
Working with Brian gave me an incredible start in my writing career. And I still bug him from time to time about ideas and projects.
Person #2 — Sophia Amoruso TW: @sophiaamoruso)
Sophia Amoruso is an award-winning serial entrepreneur, bestselling author, educator, podcast host, and mum to three poodles (who are adorable).
How it started: Back in 2016, this article about Sophia impressed the hell out of me. And showed me that smart, young women, who are willing to get after it — can accomplish great things.
I reached out to Sophia via email (I guessed the email address) and congratulated her on the Forbes cover. And having recently read Girlboss, I shared some thoughts on the impact of her words.
She replied! I couldn’t believe it.
Of course, I know now, that most people are quite happy to receive emails that include genuine congratulations and interest. But back then, I thought it was amazing.
Getting an email reply was a big step for me. And ended in her following me on Twitter, inviting me to connect on LinkedIn. And she even joined my mailing list (which I believe she is still on).
From that point, I kept the relationship warm with emails.
At one point, she was organizing the first-ever Girlboss conference, and I gave some feedback on the digital side of things (as I’d been studying virtual conferences around the time), and how they should have a virtual ticket option (which they ended up implementing).
How it’s going: Now, we interact mostly in Instagram DM’s.
To be fair, I haven’t put as much time into keeping this relationship alive as I’d like. But I believe she knows my name, and that was the aim.
Sophia has had some major pivots in the last couple of years, and I still enjoy seeing such a powerhouse forge her own path. And love learning from her insights.
Person #3 — Tim Ferriss (TW: @tferriss)
Tim Ferriss has been listed as one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and one of Fortune’s “40 under 40.” He is an early-stage technology investor/advisor (Uber, Facebook, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ others) and the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers.
Okay, so facts first — Tim still doesn’t know who I am.
But that hasn’t deterred me from sharing his work, learning from his wonderful books, and fangirling a bit on Twitter.
I’ve managed a few retweets and replies. So that’s something I guess.
I think it’s important to note that not all your work is going to yield a relationship where a mentor ends up a client or a friend.
But the point isn’t to get something from them. It’s to build a genuine (hopefully, eventually, mutual) relationship and continue learning all you can from their expertise and experiences.
And now, because a little strategy never hurts when it comes to building the right kinds of relationships (and avoiding the wrong ones), here are:
9 insider secrets for building priceless relationships with remarkable people
After five years of practice, I’m getting pretty good at building relationships with interesting people. And in some cases turning that initial contact into some kind of business opportunity.
A few other people I’ve been lucky enough to connect with (and who know who I am):
Sonia Simone from Remarkable Communication — became a client in 2018 and a partner in 2020 (and a friend throughout!)
Chris Brogan and Rob Hatch from Owner Media — mostly Twitter friends but we’ve talked about collaboration opportunities (the toddler makes follow-through a bit harder to come by these days)
Josh Pigford from Maybe (previously Baremetrics) — became a client in 2021 from a connection on Twitter
Of course, who you want to connect with will be specific to your situation. But you may find that the people you want to get to know are easier to reach than you originally thought.
So with that in mind, here are some tried and tested techniques, that should help you crank up your visibility and confidence when it comes to developing that new relationship.
#1 Show genuine interest
Providing value > sucking-up is key to building trust-based relationships.
When you aren't genuinely interested in getting to know someone (and are just trying to get them to wear your label, or give you a free shout-out) they’ll see straight through it.
Seasoned professionals can smell bullshit a mile away. Plus, the sorts of tactics that get you those one-off promotions are short-sighted.
Opting for long-term engagement and using a value-first approach is more likely to see the relationship flourish.
#2 Connect where there is less noise
It doesn’t make sense for you to try and connect with someone you don’t know, via email. Almost no one likes cold emails (and even fewer people know how to write one good enough to warrant a positive reply).
Plus, most people who have large followings, have an overflowing inbox anyway. So steer clear.
It makes more sense to check out where they hang out publicly (rather than showing up banging on the virtual equivalent of their front door and demanding to be let in.)
You’re also far better off connecting with them on the platform that they are most responsive on. Which requires some research and brings us to the next point!
#3 Get your stalk on (in a non-creepy way):
Where are they the most engaged with followers?
Where do they like to share their problems and frustrations?
Where does the highlight reel come down, and the realness peek through?
Find the platform where you feel like they are more like you.
Where their focus is less on promoting their business and more on the actual connection. Where they ask questions themselves and spend time looking for answers.
I’ve always found Twitter to be a great place to get noticed. But I happen to like hanging out with writers, and that’s where we flock to. For the people on your list, Instagram might be a better fit — especially if they’re visual people.
It also pays to be active on the platform yourself. So make a habit of interacting and joining in conversations where you have mutual interests.
#4 Share their stuff (but only if you actually enjoyed it, not just for the sake of it)
Do they have a blog? Funny tweets? Awesome Instagram quotes?
Share the love and credit it back.
I don’t know anybody who doesn’t like free promotion. And if you can add something interesting to their original thoughts — that’s always a bonus.
Put some thought into your caption or retweet and share your insights. Even if you don’t get noticed by the influencer — your audience can benefit from what you have to say and share.
#5 Buy their stuff
If you are genuinely interested in someone, they are most likely producing things that you love and want (and often need).
You should always be investing in your knowledge and growth. And I make sure I have a budget to invest in conferences (mostly digital attendance), courses, and masterminds. I also regularly buy books (and have a Kindle Unlimited membership).
As I said, I follow a lot of writers. And my list is usually composed of authors and people who teach things online. So it’s easy to invest in my growth while also contributing to their business, too.
I don’t recommend buying something just to get on someone’s radar. But if you can learn from them and at the same time develop a closer relationship — it’s a win-win.
#6 Write back
...to their emails, to their tweets, to their Facebook posts, to their Instagram stories.
Of course, you don’t want to be a bot-like reply-guy who only says “this is great” or constantly retweets with “love this!”.
Share your point of view, why you think something is valuable, and genuinely show your interest in the topics they care about.
In most cases, this helps you build your own audience too.
#7 Give yourself permission to spend time and resources on developing the relationship
So spending time on things like:
Researching their work
Listening to what they say (blogs, podcasts, books)
Keeping track of speaking appearances and conferences they hold or attend
Joining their email lists, groups, courses, and communities
Finding out what they are not good at :)
I’ve had great success with finding high-value clients and wonderful people to work with simply by paying attention to what someone has confessed they’re not great at.
And being able to fill a need that they explicitly state (even if it was on some obscure podcast appearance they did back in 2007.)
#8 Be patient
There is no guarantee that your efforts will pay off or that you’ll get any kind of reward. So if that's your motivation, then relationship-building is not the right strategy for you.
You need to be building relationships with the goal of learning and providing value IF YOU CAN.
And if you’re paying close enough attention — then I assure you, at some point, you will find something to help someone with. Something that helps you get heard. And makes you more visible.
As I mentioned before, my relationship with Tim Ferriss is still one-sided — yet I happily share his work and interact where I can.
#9 Be you
There is no point in building ANY relationship that isn't based on your authentic, real and original self.
This is not just a business relationship lesson, it is a life lesson.
Having integrity. Doing what you say you’ll do. Being unapologetically you — failures, flaws, and all — is more fulfilling than trying to be someone you’re not.
Who’s on your list?
Since originally writing my list back in 2016, my network has grown considerably and I’ve added more wonderful people to my radar.
But the best approach to building relationships remains the same — like my good friend Dale says...
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
What kind of connections might you like to make within your world?
Who have you come across that made you think to yourself, ‘Gee they seem cool and totally smart, I wish I knew them better.’?
Anyone that comes to mind — write their name down. And start putting out some feelers...
Social media has made our ability to connect with almost ANYONE, outrageously simple
It might not be easy to get noticed, but if you’re genuinely interested, supportive, and helpful wherever possible, it can lead to marvelous opportunities.
And if you keep at it, if you stay consistent, the people on your list will at least start to recognize your name and profile pic. And eventually, what was once a cold connection, can turn into a warm one.
Whether your aim is collaboration, mentorship, friendship, or just because you’re a super fan — if you approach any relationship with the idea of ‘delighting the other’ then it’s almost always going to end up win/win.