The train doors closed and immediately the panic set in.

The hot flash that followed was embarrassingly intense.

And as that fiery feeling rushed straight into my cheeks, and my neck started to feel warm and clammy — I realized I was in the midst of that awful moment I’d been anxiously anticipating.

Anxiety gripped me.

But instead of giving in to the panic (or getting off the train completely), this time — I came prepared.

I closed my eyes. Took a sip of water. And worked through what I’d practiced.

Defense against your catastrophic thoughts requires tools you can use in the moment

You see, the thing about panic attacks is that:

The thoughts that cause them often aren’t real, but the physical symptoms are.

We get hot.

We get sweaty. 

Our stomach feels bad. 

We often feel like we need to go to the toilet.

We no longer feel safe and in control. 

And of course, all hell breaks loose in your head. 

But while anxious feelings might render us powerless in the moment, it’s how you prepare outside of those fear-fueled minutes — when you’re feeling perfectly calm and capable — that can make all the difference.

When panic hits — we need to be able to respond, not react

When I was pregnant with my son, in a quest to combat the fear of birthing a tiny human, I learned that there are skills you can practice to help manage labor pain.

Skills we can call upon in-the-moment, to reduce our fear and distract us from what hurts. 

Of course, the pain itself is not removed. But by using intentional, rehearsed distractions you can remove your focus from it (and in some cases eliminate it.) The author of the book Birth Skills, Juju Sundin, says:

To master labor pain, you need to be able to move from a state of fear, ignorance, and anxiety towards focusing on conscious activities to apply to each contraction. 

In other words, you know exactly what you’re going to do when the contraction strikes. And can focus on taking a specific action, to combat the intense pain. 

This same strategy can be applied to taming panic attacks. 

Focus on the distraction, not the pain

Predictably, you can’t just think your way into feeling better. 

But what you can do — is use tools and distractions to help you fight back during moments of prolonged panic. In the book The Tools, I read that: 

To control behavior you need a specific procedure to use, at a specific time, to combat a specific problem. That’s what a tool is.

So by changing how we deal with anxiety, we can change the way we feel about it. Which makes it easier to manage and minimize over the long term, too. 

More practice, less suffering

Predictably, if you’re in the midst of an unforgiving and unrelenting panic attack (or an unfathomably painful uterine contraction) — calling on any type of tool or skill after zero practice, won’t work well to stop the pain.  

You need to put in some reps. 

So that when panic hits, your muscle memory engages. And the actions you take to help distract you from the spiraling thoughts in your head — come as naturally to you as pulling your hand away from something hot.

Rest assured, it’s the work you put in when you’re feeling fine, that will be the ultimate game-changer for when you’re feeling anxious, scared, or stressed out. 

Practice. Practice. Practice. 

An important disclaimer

Before you read any further, it’s important to note that I am in no way a qualified mental health professional. 

And what I’m sharing with you today is purely anecdotal and gathered from my research and experiences with anxiousness, self-doubt, and dealing with the thoughts in my head. 

If you do have ongoing issues with anxiety —  seeking professional help from a qualified practitioner is likely your best course of action. So you can get the personalized help that you need. 

That said, here are some simple practices and tools you can use to help you push past your crippling thoughts and help keep you calm when you’re confronted by your fears. 

8 simple strategies for restoring calm

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if when you’re on the cusp of a meltdown, you had a system for helping you calm down, distract you from your disastrous thoughts and push you away from the anxious dread?

Whether it’s: 

• dealing with an angry client email, 
• needing to confront a friend or colleague about something that feels awkward, or 
• battling the (often daily) dips of doubt as you work on designing a life you love…

These practices will make getting through those moments much easier. 

Because when you can better manage the beliefs and thoughts inside your head (and the behaviors they trigger) you can begin to build the courage you need to counter the anxious feelings — whenever they arise.

1. Water first (and invisibility shades on)

Water is my first point of call when I feel anxious. 

One small sip can instantly change the way you feel. So I make sure to have a water bottle on me at all times. 

And if I’m in a public place and want to avoid people staring at me while I meditate or perform one of my other calming practices — having my sunglasses on makes me feel more secure, too. 

It’s simple but it works. 

2. The 4x4x4 method

Tactical breathing can immediately calm you down and clear your head. And is an excellent way to deal with symptoms of panic and anxiety. 

By far the easiest and most effective breath exercise I’ve ever encountered is the one they teach the Navy SEALs (which I learned from that movie Long Shot.)

I remember it as the 4x4x4 method. 

You simply breathe in for four seconds, and then out for four seconds. And do so four times in a row. 

After digging a little deeper (than the movie), I found the actual SEAL method is slightly more involved. It’s called “box breathing” and here’s what you do: 

• Inhale for 4 seconds (as the circle expands)
• Hold your lungs full for 4 seconds (as the circle stays fully expanded)
• Exhale for 4 seconds (as the circle shrinks)
• Hold your lungs empty for 4 seconds (as the circle is contracted)

Both options work well. 

You can instantly feel the change in your heart rate. And the thoughts in your head simmer down and your mind settles.  

Of course, it’s important to breathe through your belly for this. And as I mentioned earlier,  you must practice when you’re feeling okay — to have a better chance of pulling it off when you’re feeling anxious, angry, or frustrated. 

3. Write it out then read the script 

This works best for anticipatory anxiety (feeling anxious about an event in the future). 

For instance, if you’re feeling anxious about a train ride, or going on an airplane, or dealing with a work crisis.

A few years back we were in Thailand and I freaked out in a taxi. Naturally, the next taxi ride was not something I was looking forward to. So I wrote myself a script to read. I then read over my script about ten times before we got to our destination. 

It only took me ten minutes to write, but it felt like a lifesaver.

Prompts for writing your script:

• Write out why feeling anxious about the event is absurd and unnecessary.
• Write out all the ways in which you’re perfectly safe. And how, even if you don’t feel safe, you can do things that make you feel better. 
• List out the things that will help you. 
• Keep reading and reciting this to yourself as long as you need to. 

4. Guided meditation works, too

Listening to an anti-anxiety track in an app like Headspace can be incredibly helpful. I used to have one lined up to listen to when I got on the train. 

This not only gives you something to do and helps you feel prepared — but it’s designed to calm your mind. You can often find guided meditation tracks on Youtube as well. 

You can’t control the thoughts you have, but you can control what you pay attention to. So pop in your headphones, and focus on a different voice inside your head.

5. Get an anxiety buddy and talk or text it out

Talking about how you feel is a fast way to break the bad thought cycle. 

If you’re feeling panicked, call or message a friend who is aware of your anxiety (maybe you have a code word you can send them via text). 

Just be sure to find a buddy who understands what you need. And who you feel safe with. 

You need to be beyond worrying about embarrassment for the buddy-system work.

It might benefit you to do some prep-work with them so they know how to help. And what methods to try to you get back to calm 

6. Texture challenge

I used to find it incredibly hard to “just breathe through it”. 

Most of the time my thoughts were telling me, “breathing won’t work!” and so I wouldn’t do it. But I did find the texture challenge to work wonders. 

When you feel a wave of panic – find five different things (with different textures) to touch and pay attention to instead

1. Touch your T-shirt and softly rub it between your fingers
2. Touch your water bottle and notice the condensation 
3. Touch your seat and feel the fabric 
4. Touch the cold hard glass of the window 
5. Touch the strap of your bag and rub the leather 

One after the other, touch each thing for roughly 5 seconds. And let yourself notice the different textures. Repeat the round as necessary, until the panic dies down and you feel some relief from your thoughts. 

7. Dispute catastrophic thoughts 

You probably already know that we tend to think of the worst thing, first.

We’re natural pessimists. 

And sadly, many of us go about our day repeatedly rehearsing fear-based scenarios inside our heads. But here’s a technique to gain more perspective if your thoughts start tail spinning and threaten to ruin your mood. 

If you get stuck narrating your worst-case scenario to yourself, I want you to add two more stories to that inner dialogue: 

1. Your best-case scenario, and 
2. Your most likely case scenario.

Tell yourself exactly what they look like too. And gain a little perspective in the process. 

Negative visualization has its place. But if you don’t dispute bad thoughts, they can run rampant and mess with your psyche. Whereas if you highlight your other possible scenarios too, you can fight back against the fear-based thoughts you’ve been focusing on.

8. The story I’m telling myself

If you notice your inner dialogue is leaving you riddled with doubt or focused only on what can go wrong — use “the story I’m telling myself”, as a prefix to those troubling thoughts. 

I swiped this one from Martin Seligman’s book, Flourish. It’s a simple trick to remind you that you control what you believe. And that you can change the story playing out in your head. 

For example: 

The story I’m telling myself is that I woke up feeling tired and gross, and now I’ll never get everything done on my to-do list and will completely fail at achieving my goals this year.

Granted, your day might not be as productive as you’d like. But to gain some perspective, and boost a better mood — you can recognize that it’s not the end of the world and there are things you can do to make yourself feel better.

Remember — your emotions erupt from what you think about your situation. And if you can change how you’re thinking, you can change your response to what’s happening.

If you suffer from anxiety or anxious feelings… 

Practice some of the techniques I’ve mentioned above. And do the work to prepare yourself for dealing with your next inner crisis.  

And if you’re still struggling to overcome the worrying and doubtful thoughts in your head: 

• Dig a little deeper to see what’s up — uncovering underlying problems might help you move past them.  At the time when my panic attacks were at their peak — it was mostly due to financial stress (i.e. a lack of success in my business) and what I needed to do to change it. Facing those fears helped me focus on what I could do.  
• Speak to a professional — there is a difference between healthy, human anxiousness and clinical anxiety. If you feel anxious all the time, you might find that seeking some professional help is your best path forward.
• Cool accounts to follow on Instagram — it’s a small gesture, but understanding more about anxiety (with fun images) can be remarkably helpful. Some of my favorite accounts are by illustrators who demonstrate how anxiety feels and affects us on a day-to-day basis. Two that come to mind: @lizandmollie and @themindgeek
• A book that’s helped me a lot: The Tools: 5 Tools to Help You Find Courage, Creativity, and Willpower – And Inspire You to Live Life in Forward Motion — by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels 

Talking about your anxiety with people who understand it, and practicing these tools and techniques to make the panicked moments less intense — are two simple (but powerful) things you can do to change the way you deal with difficult situations. 

I urge you to peruse this list and experiment with what works best for you.